It’s not really a secret, except to those poor souls who are not happy. Having seen the documentary “Happy” and tested its thesis, I can say that it’s exactly right, and I highly recommend it. If you haven’t seen this movie, get to it as soon as possible.

Once you have the basics covered, say $50,000.00 worth in the United States currently for house, food, basic medical care, wearable clothes and some fun money, people who make twice that, three times that, or twenty times that amount, are no happier according to every survey and measure available. It’s also true that many people can be happy on making less that $50,000, as long as their basic needs are met. The Jaguar XKE (do they still make that hot ride?) won’t do it. The trip to Hawaii won’t do it, at least not beyond the actual time spent there. Drugs won’t do it. If marriage alone did it, there wouldn’t be any divorces. Sex won’t do it, although I must admit, my wife has a kiss that, um, well, nevermind, there may be an exception to what I’m about to suggest.

First, a clarification. Grammatically, we have it all wrong. Happiness is not really a noun; it’s a verb. “To be happy,” doesn’t work because that is passive. “To happy” would be the correct form. So what does one do “to happy?”

It’s not necessarily easy for most of us, but it is simple. Adopt everything and everyone. Adopt the local barber so he becomes your uncle. No one can tell better stories than Uncle Jack the barber on Old University. Adopt a local coffee shop like The Froth House near us (where I am as I write this), and be sure you know the names of the baristas. (Thank you, Ginger. How is Kelly doing?) I read in college that Daniel DeFoe of Gulliver’s Travels fame, not only adopted a local pub and had dibs on “his booth,” but also had his own friendly waiter named Payne and was truly saddened when the waiter succumbed to the plague. Until death, they were happy because of the relationship.

Adopt the places where you belong, a restaurant, a pizza place, a library. Keep going to those places until you belong. Adopt the people who work there and find out about their children, husbands, vacations, and worries. Adopt a local hardware store and find out who knows the most about plumbing, dimmers, and ant killers. Adopt all of the neighborhood kids, especially at Halloween, during the summer, and at graduation. If your neighbor has a dog as nice as Lukas, the collie next door to us, be sure you have a box of dog biscuits near the back door. It’s not only fun for Lukas; it’s good for you. Adopt a local baseball team, a football team and a basketball team if they are available, especially if one of them is semi-pro. Jane, a fellow teacher for many years, adopted struggling players for the Kane County Cougars near Chicago and took one in as a roomie every year. Jane and her husband became adoptive parents and the team’s best fans. They belonged. She and her husband often went to spring training, but even more important, they kept in contact with “their boys” for many years whether the players made it to The Bigs or not. Jane’s eyes lit up in delight whenever she talked about her boys.

Adopt a TV series, an author who writes a series, preferably something not about vampires. Wizards are okay. Adopt a band, especially one most people don’t know about. If you don’t know of such a band, ask a young person, preferably one you’ve already adopted. Adopt a trout stream. Adopt plants. You can name them if you want and talk to them. They can’t hear you except for perhaps mild vibrations, but talking to them can be good for you, as long as you also talk to people. Adopt a musical instrument. Adopt a blogger or two. Adopt the elderly, especially if they are in your neighborhood and too feeble to shovel snow. It’s actually become something of a rivalry in our neighborhood to see who can get out first to shovel the walk and driveway of the very elderly couple on our block. Adopt a charity, a university, and a favorite chair.

You already know the point. Happiness is not based on prestige, class, or what you own. It is based on deepening relationships where you live and where you go. When you hear the echoes of John Lennon in “Love is all there is,” this what he means: you love and are loved by creating meaningful relationships.

This is also where it gets tricky, or at least interesting. Owning something is not the same as developing a relationship. That’s why buying that Jag XKE that you admire so much may seem to make you happy, but only until its first scratch, while having a kind of loyal relationship and appreciation for an old 1957 Chevy may make you quite happy. You “happy” it. Happiness is never owned; it is created, usually slowly, deeply, and personally.

This is also one of the blessings of happiness. It does not depend on the other thing or person. That’s why a car can’t make you happy, but you can happy it. That’s why crabby Mrs. Longnose on the corner can’t make you happy since you never hear a kind word from her, but you can “happy” her, and will be amazed at the results of your conscious, repeated and infuriating kindnesses. Do you really want to get back at her? Kindness is the sweetest revenge. It’s not really revenge, but that needy part of your brain will be filled with the resulting dopamine molecules anyway. If nothing else, you will confuse her, and that’s not all bad.

You don’t have to take my word for it. You can see happiness in action. Simply go to bethesourceproject.com. There it is. It’s a blog worth adopting.